Did I tell you that I used to work with children?
not just any types of children, specifically ones that been in
traumatic situations that scarred them psychologically.
creating mind disorders that have stunted the growth of prodigies.
I've seen kids with Reactive attachment disorder
and other conditions they will carry til they're much older.
damaged minds that can't grow, learn or adapt.
when they act out, all you can do is pray and try to react. but...

Sometimes I ask myself if I could have done more,
if I could have cared more, if I could have loved more.
Sometimes I ask myself if I could have changed them,
if I could have helped them, if I could have saved them.
sometimes I'm asking if I could have achieved more,
if I could have planned more, helped them all dream more.
sometimes I ask myself about their condition,
they needed assistance, but did I really listen?

well, I think I did my best,
but was my best good enough?
is it possible I failed them,
and I didn't do enough?
when the mind's a battlefield,
there's stress in every day you fought.
will I ever claim the vic'try,
or have I already...?

in my younger days, i'd ay that I was skizophrenic.
mostly to make my listeners think I was dangerous.
newsflash: many musicians like to associate themselves
with menacing terminology. kids like it, and so it sells.
but I really do hear voices when I write stories. my characters speak to me.
so does that mean every author could be skizophrenic secretly?
legally, I maintain decency. But I'm scatterbrained.
forgetful at times, activity masking my pain.
cuz I'm always staying busy with something, I multitask,
because doing one thing is just too much to ask.
I'm a jack of all trades, master of trying to be
a jack of all trades. and I guess it's been working fine for me.
sometimes I go hard, sometimes I might just coast, I like to boast,
You know, I'm prob'bly ADD, just undiagnosed.
mind wanders, easily distracted, hard to focus.
for years peeps that was feeling me said it's just creativity.
but could it really be that I am chemically imbalanced,
and a fractured mind is really the genesis of my talents?
they always say 'do one thing and do it well',
but when you see me doing one thing, I'm thinking of something else.
-it doesn't help that I once suffered a concussion
that probably scrambled my brain, still get headaches, but I can function
with no discussion. it's not I don't trust them, but I can take it,
My pain is just a fraction of what happens to football players.
but in the back of my mind I fear it's a matter of time
before I'm no longer myself and I'm secretly terrified.
but you'll never hear me tell you that on the record.
I literally can't afford (to have) a doctor messing with my head, so
is what I do as a consequence genius, or is it madness?
I play my music when happy, through sadness and feeling manic.
that background noise is a soundtrack. a distraction, and I use it.
I need to hear music to do everything but make music.
usually I write my lyrics in silence. ain't that ironic?
when I'm down, prayer and ice cream are my tonic. originally,
I wrote this song for all the children that i worked with
but maybe I'm the one that needs help. am I worth it?

Sometimes I ask myself if I could have done more,
if I could have cared more, if I could have loved more.
Sometimes I ask myself if someone should change me,
if someone should help me, if someone should save me.
sometimes I ask myself if I could achieve more,
if I could have planned more, if I could have dreamed more.
sometimes I ask myself about my condition,
if I need assistance, would somebody listen?

I think I'm doing my best,
but is my best good enough?
is it possible I'm failing,
and I'm not doing enough?
when the mind's a battlefield,
there's stress in every day you fought.
will i ever claim the vic'try,
or have I already...?

think this is crazy? for sane people it's scarier.
think about realizing you're the biggest barrier
to reaching your full potential, with no one to blame
and in the end you're responsible for your fortune or pain,
with no one else you can name in better position to help you.
that means if you fail the one at fault is yourself, you
can cry about circumstance and perception all you want.
all they are is just more obstacles that CAN be overcome.
it's easy to wait on god and put it all in his hands
then when nothing happens say that it's his will and his plan.
because that takes the pressure off of you to do for self.
except James 2 and 14 said that faith without works is dead
so with no mental illness to blame, there's no excuses
you're still in the position you live in because you choose it.
get out of your own way and your limit will be the skies.
(now I just wish that I would follow my own freaking advice)