CHUCK NORRIS

Last year the Illuminati recruited me. I almost joined,
But they wouldn’t give me free beef jerky, so what’s the point?
Doesn’t matter anyway. I’m my own secret society
I can order the new world to give me what I want with variety.
Those who disrespect must do it quietly,
The walls have ears, and If I find out your intent, you’re dying violently.
In fact, I know some dudes who’ll run up on you with a staple gun,
And pin a sign to you that says you masturbate to naked nuns,
Then tie you up and ship you to the Vatican in a steel crate
Full of rabid, angry skunks, when they spray you, I hope it feels great.
Or put you inside a gorilla suit, gag you and seal it up with some Gorilla Glue,
Lock you inside of a cage with an alpha male that’s in heat so you can do what Gorillas do.
I mean, you said you were a silverback, so I made you one,
It’s like your child finding your loaded choppa just to play with guns.
Something bad will happen. Now you’re hating on folks.
Why you so mad? What, you can’t take a joke? Get a grip…

And I’m the Chuck Norris of this rap isht…

If you decide you’d like to go mano a mano,
I’ll show you I’m gifted like Feliz Cumpleanos
By beating on your head like bongos, I’m the measuring stick
Cuz I rule, and you have to take the reign like a poncho,
While I chill in a villa like I’m pancho,
With donald fagen and walter becker both asking me who’s the gaucho,
See, I know snipers who hit marks like Groucho,
So keep a safe distance from my scrilla scratch cheese cuz it’s nachos,
Or give me a reason like luther to boot ya, then do ya like lex with a luger and shoot ya,
So you make the news like a dude in a room with a cougar that knew that she blew like a tuba
Your crew is confused like a nudist in zubasz, it’s like I’m explaining anubis to budhists,
Can’t figure it out like a fool with a ruler and you just don’t know how to do it, so screw it.
*Sigh* you’re blatant ignorance makes me exascerbated,
you’re a lot like this song: everything’s exaggerated.
but that dude jugghead? Nobody coming close to him
He’ll embarrass you in front of your fans…both of them.

And I’m the Chuck Norris of this rap isht…

I got juice like tupac drinking a tropicana
And I'm more gifted than an elf working for poppa Santa
When he steals the merchandise and sells it on the black market
Where you can get it much cheaper than if you're at target
I'm like Usher at Catholic Church making confessions
And saying Hail Marys without pac or the outlaws blessing.
So Guess what? I'll stretch ya then talk trash like pro wrestlers
King of the ring knocking you out with a scepter when the refa
Ree's looking the other way. I'm main event, you're undercard.
And if you need support I will gladly give you a wonder bra
to push up your manboobs. You’re the first rule: nobody talks about you.
feathers up your butt because you’re chicken, and I’ll walk around you,
Kick your pretty-boy looking tail in any place that is suitable,
because I feel like destroying something beautiful. I’d say you were the
all singing, all dancing crap of the world,
but you can’t sing or dance, so you’re just crap that’s unfurled.

and I’m the Chuck Norris of this rap isht. better yet,
I’m now the tyler durden of this rap isht...